itsamellama: (Loved)
It's afternoon where I am, at least. I spent my morning taking a long walk and finally playing Pokemon Go (yay, super cheap data plans I can afford on my tiny budget!), so I finally just reached level 10 ; w;

Yesterday, I jogged/ran for 1 hr, and according to Strava, I hit 6km??? I am joining a marathon in early Sept, I hope I can be prepared by then.

Tonight, I'll be having dinner with my partner at a really nice Japanese restaurant we tried recently :D I'm really looking forward to it~

TL;DR: August has been a very difficult month so far! )

If you'd like to treat me to something for my birthday, dropping something in the tip jar would be awesome~

(You can also leave a tip via Gumroad~)

Things that would make my year: slowly building up my Patreon total, even a dollar a month really, really helps, especially now that I'm back to studying + part-time freelancing ; w ; ♥

Thank you so much!!!
itsamellama: (Default)
I had some things I wanted to get done over the weekend, but I got taken down for the count by various physical circumstances beyond my control. As a result, I not only am struggling with feeling bad because of not feeling all that well, but am also fighting off the brain bugs for not getting the work I wanted to get done, well, done.

It's hard, and I still feel 'bleh,' but I think I am doing a pretty good job of controlling the brain bugs, though? I feel like I've scooped them up in a jar and they're still there but I can just stare at them and know that they can't hurt me if I keep them at a distance.

And it kind of amazes me that I can actually keep them at bay on my own now.

I think, overall, I really am doing much better now than I was one, two, three years ago. It started with therapy (thank you again, everybody who helped me raise money for it---I owe you so much), then I was able to afford to move out (again, thank you, everybody, for your generosity in helping me raise enough).

Since I made the major decision to quit my latest day-job to pursue and finally finish my MA studies as well as pursue personal projects while dipping my toes into freelancing again, I've been feeling... more confident? I'm able to talk myself out of feeling bad for irrational reasons now.

I have stress, sure (who doesn't, when one has to find a way to pay the bills and finish studies?), but it doesn't feel like an impending sense of doom anymore. I don't feel stressed out every day to the point that I always have something to complain about or feel like I'm hopeless. I have days when I freeze and think "oh no I am an adult on my own what do", but I've been able to figure things out.

I've been doing this since last year, but especially since I started working from home, I've been learning how to cook new dishes (I recently tried pork lumpiang shanghai and fried rice. I'm quite excited to make more!), and am still mastering the art of batch-cooking food for the week (might need bigger pots and pans for that and more food containers, but our place is so tiny, hence tiny pots and pans) and making sure we buy only enough groceries for the week that won't go bad (I almost had this down last week! Almost.)

I find it nice that I've been allowing myself to make mistakes when I cook--something I still have trouble affording myself when art-ing or writing--but I did experiment entirely with that art piece in my last post (nothing was planned- I just started with a sketch of a face I had done last year as my base). It's great! I wonder if I can still do this for all my stuff.

Basically, erm, yes. I'm in a much better headspace now. I do still get pangs of depression and anxiety, but I'm so much better able to handle them now. I don't feel anywhere near as hopeless as I used to feel? Take these delays in my MA, for instance. Instead of crushing myself for not making it on time, I figured out it's not the end of the world, and I can still make up for it. Tell this to Mel 1-3 years ago and she would've crumbled completely.

I still wish I could multiply myself to get everything I wanted done - chores, work, personal stuff - but I think I am getting a better awareness of just how many hours there are in a day and just how much I can realistically get done without burning myself out. On the flip side, I need to master how to not end up fuffing about the whole day either.

I have a lot more I want to say, but I think I'll end here for now. I think I feel better being able to talk about this out in the open too. :) Thank you, thank you, thank you all for being so kind to me.
itsamellama: (Default)
Content notes: Financial, since I am daydreaming here about some stuff I hope I can afford within the month of February. (Probably can only afford one of these things though, and maybe not even the whole thing. *sigh~*) And a little bit of physical health stuff (back/shoulder/neck and foot pain mostly).

Wish wish wish... )

* Also reminding myself that there's absolutely nothing wrong in talking about stuff you think would be nice to have, dang it. You are only human.

Thought about adding more but I think I'll make those for next month's wishlist, haha. I don't think I could conceivably buy all 10+ things anyway. (Even if I have been longing for some of them for a good... yikes, 3-5+ years now.)
itsamellama: (Default)

No real reason... just thought it would be nice to post more photos of me in my habitats. Hehe.

The status of the Mellama: I have been quite stressed, but not as stressed as the past few months have been. I think I'm still doing quite a lot of work (including grad school), though still wishing I had more time for personal stuff. But one must pay the bills! And earn money for moving-out plans next year.

Dropping a class and some overworking, underpaying projects has really helped with my health. I have still been coughing here and there so I don't know how long until it totally goes away, but I am doing my best.

How are you all today? Let's sit down and chat. :)
itsamellama: (Default)

My body pain started becoming unbearable the past few weeks. My neck and back started to burn (best way I can put it), and my right shoulder, knee, and foot were giving me hell.

Medical specifics. )

So - and I'm so sorry to be asking this again - I'm humbly accepting any and all tips anyone could drop into my tip jar. I can't promise anything in return right now, as I'm still trying to finish my commission backlog (and probably cannot take on new work until end of December) and keeping my head afloat with day job and grad school. At the most, I figured I could record a quick thank-you video, or read almost anything you want me to say on-camera, or write a handwritten letter, or take a photo of me doing something silly for you, or something?

But, uhm, yes. Even if you can't drop anything in the jar, it's okay! I will probably find a way to pull through, just. Thank you, even signal boosts would help so much, and words of encouragement, and. Thank you.

Click the banner to tip via Paypal.
Or leave a tip via Gumroad.

Or become my patron and get special goodies each month.
itsamellama: (Default)
It occurs to me that I don't update folks on what I've been up to here as much as I do on my my official site (which I do try to update a couple of times a month with project previews, do check it out and bookmark it? ♥) and other social media accounts. So!

In no particular order (most of which can be found on my site):
Icon Day 03 is going on, of course! We just broke $38.35 in tips. We're $11.65 away from unlocking inked icons for all at $50!
• I wrote a lot this semester! Probably the most I've ever read and written ever. Feels good. Now to keep it up outside of academics.
• I just passed my final requirement for the semester. I'm thinking about asking someone to proofread it so I could, maybe, publish it online? It's a paper about Ragnarok Online's Port Malaya and its representation of Philippine culture (and why I'm unsatisfied by it.)
• Am gearing up to finish products for our Project Dollicessories booth at ManikaManila Tiangge 2013.
• Krinkle and I have scouted for paper and printing services, and will be testing postcards that we plan to sell.
• I've been making jewelry! I'm still a newbie at it, but it feels good. Will put them up for sale before the end of the month, hopefully. Might sell some at the ManikaManila event too, to go along with our BJD-sized bracelets.
• I made a safe space and personal blog called Kuwarto! I've been posting to it quite a bit lately on thinky-thoughts I've had about particular things.
• I'm more or less halfway through my 12-weeks therapy sessions! So far, we've tackled my productivity issues. Now we're going into my... ... life story. *dun dun dunnnn* I'm still raising funds for it, too, because I'm not sure yet if my therapist will say I still need to keep going, and there's a possibility the rates will increase too...

Other than that, I'm actually pretty free until next semester starts up again. So, now would be the perfect time if any of you are interested in an art commission! Please check out my Commission Information and consider availing of my services? ; u ; I'm also thinking about doing some quick promo commissions too while I try to experiment with art stuff.

I'd really appreciate it, even signal boosts help me out a lot! ♥ Besides therapy, I recently developed a dental cavity (which is really, really painful) and the dental appointment's gonna make quite a dent in our finances. @_@ So yes, every little bit counts. ; u ;

EDIT: D'oh! Commission information link was broken. Fixed!
itsamellama: (Sob WHY)

For Doodle a Day and my journal comic, It's a Mellama!.

Yep. It was pretty bad today, to the point that I felt physically unwell. Feeling calmer now, though, thank goodness. Just gotta push through these projects I have to finish...
itsamellama: (Default)

• I've scanned and uploaded my backlog for Doodle a Day! :D I actually missed a day due to passing out from exhaustion, but I'm not stopping now ('cause I'm having a good time!)

• I apologize for the very slow progress on Icon Day. I tried to work on it while listening to "Learn Spanish" audio lectures (because I need to take a language test eventually for my MA requirements), and, well... I ended up inking criminally slowly because I was distracted! Audio doesn't seem to detract from me if it doesn't ask me to repeat a word though :P

I think it was okay for when I was just practicing sketching hands from reference (will have to do that again to double check) so maybe I'm just not using it during the right task. Ideally I'd just sit still and listen all day, since I do work well as a single-task person, but if I could doodle while on the phone like my friends can, that'd make me pretty darn happy to multitask. :o

Updates in the realm of school, health, and HEART! (GO PLANET!) )


I'm Mel, a Filipina artist and writer. I'm an MA Creative Writing student working on her own projects at the same time. Nice to meet you!