itsamellama: Mel making a puffy face (Default)
[personal profile] itsamellama
Content notes: decluttering, mention of expired food (sob)

I took an unintentional week off from my usual routine to visit my mom at our old home. I also ended up fighting off some sickness from some overwork from Sunday-Wednesday. *sigh* So I ended up staying longer than intended (without access to my digital drawing materials, to boot.) Things I have thus far concluded:

• I am a lot more productive on my own, in my own place
• I miss having somebody cook for me
• but I also love being able to decide what to eat
• and knowing I can whip something up in my own kitchen
• but not being able to do that in a kitchen I don't own
• esp. since I don't know what ingredients we have left
• bullets are fun

I also took the time to do an impromptu ultra-delayed decluttering session, in another attempt to find my rogue driver's license. I found a lot of interesting stuff, but... still haven't found my license. O_o I think at this point, I should just apply for a new one--I think it's gonna expire in August, anyway... sigh.

But I did make the trip here to pick up my more important official papers, such as my tax and social security, so I can apply for the IDs I need (finally?). It's just much easier if I keep everything in one place as opposed to scattered, and it makes sense to keep it where I now live most of the time.

The full employment of last year really did a number on the state of my possessions, though... among some things my mother meant for me to bring to my condo but I 'put it off' because I already had too much or I was too tired included a box of delicious looking chocolates I never opened (wtf?!) *sob* I never, ever NOT gobble up a box of delicious chocolates. I feel so sad about it, but that really says something about my state of being at the time.

I mean, yes, I was on my own, independent, and maybe part of me felt fulfillment in one way or another. I don't necessarily regret doing what I did, pursuing management in the corporate world. But looking at all my abandoned art and entrepreneurial ventures still makes me feel sad. Granted, maybe I can't classify myself as successful in any way, maybe it was for the best that I went with a full-time job that could sustain me and my partner. It did build my confidence in myself, and in how much my skills are worth, for sure, even if there were some less-than-desireable office politics going on. Maybe freelancing really is my thing. Who knows?

I have so many things I want to get going, but I am also doing my best not to overload by throwing myself at too many different things. (I have thesis going on, crikey, and I'm still struggling to get that going. I'm already late...) One thing that I think I want to try is to focus on small-term single projects rather than ongoing ones, although I still really want to get certain blogs going. I think the idea of making things that go on forever really burns me out, though. Even with businesses? It's kind of weird, and I still don't know how to solve that, to be honest. Maybe I'll just do a batch of things at a time, and then put those up for sale, market, and then move on to another set of things? Like, a set of designs, or something. I dunno yet. I need to figure out a way to cycle through my interests.

I wanted to talk more, but I'm feeling pretty dizzy. At the moment, I'm trying to scan in my old readings (from 2014!) that I meant to do ... then. Yeah, I'm a year or two behind on all my personal stuff (even my poor Patreon suffered...) because of ex-job. Sigh. I still wonder if I made the right decision, but I have more time to do my thesis, and so far, I feel better about myself than I ever did before, so there's that.

All right, I'll update again in a bit, maybe?
From:
Anonymous
OpenID
Identity URL: 
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Hello!

I'm Mel, a Filipina artist and writer. I'm an MA Creative Writing student working on her own projects at the same time. Nice to meet you!